I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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