We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
