ADVERTISEMENT

• (703): View more from Virginia

  i really like this girl i slept with last night

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you ask her out again?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married

  Fav 7 3114 2640

  share tweet
  

• (302): View more from Delaware

  I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.

  Fav 13 5206 1159

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (682): View more from Texas

  While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.

  Fav 12 1422 4408

  share tweet
  

• (240): View more from Maryland

  Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces

  Fav 2 2304 1611

  share tweet
  

• (940): View more from Texas

  You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.

  Fav 3 3584 1019

  share tweet
  

• (605): View more from South Dakota

  You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today

  Fav 4 2815 1270

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (925): View more from California

  But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point

  Fav 5 1371 900

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.

  Fav 5 1216 629

  share tweet
  

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find

  Fav 4 907 644

  share tweet
  

• (408): View more from California

  Your text makes more sense read in reverse.

  Fav 4 882 488

  share tweet
  

• (443): View more from Maryland

  Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with

  Fav 1 551 689

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (763): View more from Minnesota

  There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.

  Fav 6 548 1025

  share tweet
  

• (219): View more from Indiana

  That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.

  Fav 3 621 764

  share tweet
  

• (253): View more from Washington

  Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.

  (206): View more from Washington

  WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???

  Fav 0 58 10

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️

  Fav 0 23 14

  share tweet
  

Randomize