I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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