i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
