i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
YAS. BRING CRAB.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
