Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
don't judge my taste in strippers
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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