trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
