Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
