just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
