ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
