There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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