there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
