I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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