Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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