Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
