Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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