I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Is it because I queefed?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
