my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
