Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just puked most of my soul out..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
