I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
