Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
