Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
