His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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