i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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