You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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