Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
