i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
