so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
