It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
