the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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