I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
