when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
