also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
