its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
