We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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