I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
