i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
