Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
