put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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