I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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