guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
