Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
