I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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