I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
