Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
