I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
