I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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