I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
