just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
